..

i dont feel like blogging anymore, the enthusiasm for it has gonemaybe it will come back soon, but seriously it's not here now

anyway i was very disturbed by something.
god know what it is.
i've tried, but then, haix

suan le ba,i dont even wanna think bout it. 
  

u dont even understand

u dont even understand how stressed i am, about the competition and my result
i have to stay back until 6, and had to go for tuition.
and the only day im free in the week is sunday, but now it's even pack with my training schedule

both of u dont even know any of this, and still u 2 are nagging bout my result, asking me to study harder
u think i like to fail in my exam? u think i like to get fucking b's for my test?
for god sake i dont.
the thing is it's not that i dont want to study, i dont have time now,not until i finish my competition.

u 2 are not even around when i did my homework
both of u are working , and what ?
u expect me to inform u that im studying only when u're around?
please , dont make me laugh.

u're not me, and u never put yourself in my shoes, that's why u never really knew how exhausted i am in the past few months
seriously, my home is the only place that i can relax and take a break,
but now, i just dont feel like being here, especially when u're around.

dont tell me that my academics are important, i know
and i know as a student, my one and only responsibility is to get a good result,study hard and find a good job.
i've already try my best to strive as hard as i can, but truth is,
im dy torn apart between commitments and fullfillments.

i thought of telling u that i cried for the whole day because i failed my physics
but i didn't because i didn't want u to worry bout me
and now, u're blaming me for not working hard enough
i felt so helpless , u know?

u 2 should be glad that im independent to handle everything by myself, not even uttering a word bout things that happened in my school life
im not the mama's girl that had to be spoon-fed with pleasures
and i never demand anything more than spending some quality time with me
and by the way, that seldom happen, we only had so-called family day few times in a year

all the tears that i've left on here, reminded me how disappointing i was at both of you
u never knew how your daughter's life like
and the saddest thing is,

you dont even bother to ask.